He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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