I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
