I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
