Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
