my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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