he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Enjoy the penises
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
