I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
