I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
