Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize