I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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