That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
