you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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