Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
