her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
