my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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