So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
