Kiss
Puke
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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