I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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