My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
