Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
