Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
