I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
