its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
