This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
