Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
