Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
