you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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