I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
