I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
