wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize