before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
