apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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