There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
