Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
