There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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