haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
