The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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