I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
