Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You were trust falling into bushes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
