in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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