Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
