It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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