Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
