How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
