I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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