Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
