i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
