i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
