I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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