Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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