I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize