dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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