those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
