i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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