i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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