Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
