we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
