so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
