In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have already put on my inside pants.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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