I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
