Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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