I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
