Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
