margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
