I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
