Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize