I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
