your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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