I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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